🤓 How to overcome the fear of public speaking

Thoughts by Ronen Shetelboim, #8・ June 1, 2022

I’ve spent 200+ hours reading, learning, and deconstructing how to overcome the fear of public speaking.

I don’t have all the answers, but I do have some good tips.

Regardless if you need to speak in front of 2 people, 1000 people, your customers, your board of directors or your friends, you’ll find these tips helpful. 

But.. First, per usual.. Let’s start with a story. 😉

I moved to the US in 2010. 🇺🇸

Although my English wasn’t great, I loved speaking in public.. In English 🙃 

I tried to speak at every opportunity I had. It didn’t really matter what type of opportunity… webinars, conferences, events.. If there was an opportunity to speak, I was there.

Few years passed by, I got a new job, a more senior role and I was asked to speak at the company event. 

I had a few topics in mind, but I didn’t prepare anything specific, I didn’t practice.. and the worst of it all, I didn’t have a good night's sleep the night before my session.

The day of my session, I arrived at the venue, looked around and there were a lot of people... way more than I expected. 

My internal anxiety and self-doubt kicked-in.. Something felt different. 

I came up on stage, introduced myself and as I was about to start my session I got dizzy, it was hard to breath and my stomach turned upside down.

I wasn’t sure what’s happening, but I had to excuse myself. 

I went to the bathroom, looked at the mirror, washed my face, had a glass of water, then.. I looked at my phone and saw a missed call from my brother. There was something about seeing my brother's name and photo on my phone that gave me back some strength.  

After about 5 minutes that felt more like an hour, I was able to come back and finish my talk, but I felt terrible. 

I talked with a few people who attended the session, and no-one noticed that something was off, or that I felt off.

I am not sure if it was fatigue, anxiety, imposter syndrome kicking in, or all of the above. I just knew something was off.

I remember coming home that night and I had 2 thoughts: 

1/ I don’t want to do any public speaking engagements ever again.

2/ I have to understand what happened, I have to deconstruct that entire experience, to make sure I don’t feel like that again!

After that day I spent 200+ hours reading, taking classes and learning how to overcome the fear of public speaking and I am excited to share with you some of the tools and tips.

So.. without further due, let’s get into it.

18 Tips to help you overcome your fear of public speaking

1. Planning is everything. Benjamin Franklin said it best: “by failing to plan, you are planning to fail”. It doesn’t really matter if you are going to speak in front of 2 people or 100 people. Planning is key for success. One of the reasons people feel anxious on stage is because they don’t have a plan or they didn’t spend time planning. Spend the time planning, think about your audience, who are they, what do they know, what do you want them to get from your session, what is your topic, why did you choose this topic and etc.. Planning is everything.  

2. Practice makes perfect. After you are done with planning, it’s time to practice. The secret of the best speakers in the world is practice. Those who make it look easy, practice.. a lot. Think for a second about the best performers, best athletes in the world, they invest a lot of time and money on training to prepare their body and mind to be at its peak when it matters the most. If you want to do a good job and feel good while you are doing it.. you have to practice.💡Pro Tips:

   • Practice with friends and family. It’s hard to predict the exact condition or the situation in which you’ll need to speak. So it’s important to practice in different environments. You can record yourself, speak in front of a mirror, speak in front of family and friends, etc.. Gather their feedback, improve and repeat, it will make you better. Don’t worry about friends/family not understanding the topic of your presentation, if you can make it interesting for them, you’ll be able to make it interesting for anyone. 

   • Practice Adrenaline rush. During a presentation you might have a natural adrenaline rush. You can mimic that feeling in practice. Before you start to practice, drink 1 espresso and do 10 push-ups, then start practicing. That should create a similar effect to the natural adrenaline rush that you might experience during public speaking. You can regulate that feeling by drinking water and practice deep breathing. (I wouldn’t do any push ups and I wouldn’t not drink coffee or espresso before the actual public speaking as you’ll have enough adrenaline naturally).

3. Figure out what is your sincere motivation. Think about the real reason why you are giving the talk, what is your sincere motivation and keep reminding yourself of that. In the book, The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama said “sincere motivation acts as an antidote to reduce fear and anxiety”. He added: “If you are anxious before giving a talk, just remind yourself of the main reason and the aim of giving the talk, for me it’s to benefit the people, not to show off my knowledge”.

4. Speak about things you are passionate about & start with a story. When you speak about things that you deeply care about, it shows. You’ll be excited and authentic, your excitement will distract your brain from any other thoughts and significantly reduce your anxiety.

   • Pro Tip 💡: Start with a story. Try to start your presentation with a story, something you are passionate about. It will help you relax, help your breathing, you don’t need to memorize facts, and stories helps capturing listener’s attention.

5. People don’t listen to every word you say, but they’ll remember how you make them feel. Few years back, I attended an experiment as part of a public speaking workshop. The instructor selected 2 groups, group A and group B and asked each group to deliver a 2 minutes presentation about a specific product. The only difference between the groups is that the instructor asked group A to wear funny wigs. After both groups delivered their presentations, almost no-one in the audience remembered the details of the presentations, but.. everyone remembered the wigs. That was an eye opening moment for me, as I used to think that every word matters. Conclusion: Focus on message, tone and delivery, don’t worry about perfecting every detail of your presentation.

6. You don’t need to memorize every word! Speak from your heart and focus on 3 things you’d like the audience to get from your talk. There are 3 reasons for this:

   • When you memorize every word it will be easy to distract you, if something happens and you forget 1-2 words, you’ll be distracted the entire presentation and it will be hard for you to proceed. 

   • Remember, people don’t really listen to what you say, but how you say it.

   • If you focus on the 3 big takeaways you want your audience to get, you’ll always find your way back to those 3 points, even if you get distracted.

7. Take classes that are not really about public speaking! for example:

   • Improv class. I highly recommend taking an improv class at least once. Public speaking is a lot about being present in the moment and having fun. As kids it’s easy for us to be present, in the moment, think quickly on our feet, say what we feel without overthinking. As adults we often forget how to be present. We get easily distracted. Improv class can remind you how to be fully present, think quickly on your feet while having fun. It can really change your relationship with the fear of public speaking.

   • Yes you can speak workshop. Few years ago I attended a workshop with Lynn Kirkham, called “Yes you can speak”. It was a fantastic workshop, I can’t recommend it enough. In the workshop we learned how to connect with our authentic and true-self and how to better show up and be present. When you are able to connect with your true-self, you’ll become a better speaker and that will ease your fear around speaking in public. I highly recommend Lynn’s class.

8. Power Pose or learn how to make yourself bigger. How you hold your body and how you stand influence how you feel. If you don’t believe it, just try it. Find your own power pose, try it in the morning, try it before speaking, it can really change you. Here is a great ted talk about how power pose boost your confidence. For Ted Lasso fans, in this video Rebecca demonstrates how she makes herself big in order to feel more confident. 

9. Sleep. There is so much research out there that talks about the benefits of a good night’s sleep. Anytime I have a speaking engagement I try to go to bed early and get at least 7 hours of sleep. You can read more about the great benefits of sleep in the book “Why We Sleep”.

10. Understand Diet. Food has an exact correlation and impact on how your brain works, your memory and your anxiety level. In the book “Screw Being Shy”. Mark Merty shares what’s the ideal diet for a better functioning brain and lower level of anxiety. 💡 Pro Tips:

    •  Be aware of coffee. I love coffee. But, I never drink coffee before public speaking engagement. I have a no caffeine rule before any speaking engagement. I remember, once, before one of my first presentations, I arrived early and the people that hosted me offered me a double espresso. I said yes and little did I know, my heart didn’t stop pounding for the first 30 min of my talk 😅. You don’t need caffeine before presenting, you should have enough natural adrenaline, caffeine can make it worse and trigger anxiety. You can read more about how caffeine can cause anxiety here. 

    • Be aware of alcohol. Alcohol is a big no no before public speaking engagements. Although it might seem like a glass of wine can help you relax, actually research shows that alcohol (any amount) impacts memory, sleep and increases the overall level of anxiousness. Rule of thumb is no alcohol at least 24 hours before any public speaking engagement.

11. Find your own Mantra. It can be something you say or something you write down. For example, before you go on stage or start speaking you can say: “I’ve got this”, “I am going to nail my session”. Mantra + Power Pose can really change the way you show up. 

12. Music helps! Research shows that music reduces fatigue, increases stimulation and helps you relax. Try to play one of your favorite songs, before your next speaking engagement and see how it makes you feel.

13. Find a role model, study them. The best speakers in the world are well-trained. You can learn a lot just by watching your role models speak. For example, both Steve Jobs and Barack Obama mastered how to captivate the audience. Here is a list of great inspiring speakers you can study. 

14. Connect with the audience. People generally want you to be successful, and you are speaking to them because you want them to learn something, or get better at something. So.. you’ll have people cheering for you in the audience, find them, those are the people who smile at you or nod. Focus on them, look at their eyes, stay with them during your talk. This small trick will help you feel amazing during your session and ease any anxiousness. 

15. Breath. Breathing the right way can easily reduce your nervousness. There are a lot of apps that help with different breathing techniques. I’d recommend to start with the Calm App or the Headspace app if you want to learn more.

16. Remember you are not alone. Nearly 80% of people have some level of fear and anxiety around public speaking. That is 8 out of every 10 people. It's not only you, you are not alone, if other people can do this, you can do it!

17. Have fun. If you think about it, getting the opportunity to speak in front of an audience is pretty cool. The audience wants to hear from you, learn from you and you are getting a chance to share your knowledge. Instead of being focused on nervous feelings, try to rewire your thoughts and tell yourself “I am going to have fun” or ask yourself, “how can I make it fun”. 

18. Collect Data from your speaking engagements. After your public speaking engagements, people will give you feedback, write it down, save it. I’d highly recommend to create a folder with all the positive feedback you get from any speaking engagement and then, take a look at the feedback before your next speaking engagement. Trust me it will change the way you approach public speaking.

And… that’s it!

Thank you for reading. I hope you’ll find it helpful.

Remember, it’s work in progress, but you can do it! 💪

Per usual, let me know if you have any thoughts and have a fantastic week! 🙌