🤓 Most underrated secret of success

Thoughts by Ronen Shetelboim, #1・ FEB 9, 2022

I wanted to share with you the most underrated secret of success.

This secret can help you land your dream job, keep you from your next promotion or even help you meet your significant other. 😲

Before I get into the details, here is a quick personal story..

I grew up in a relatively small city in Israel called Netanya, I loved it.  

Yet, I always dreamt about studying, working and living in the US.  🇺🇸

If it wasn’t for my professor at my University in Israel, Talia Rymon, I wouldn’t be able to study in the US. 

If it wasn’t for my first boss in the US, Matt Brown, who believed in me, took a risk and hired me, I wouldn’t be able to get my work visa, work in tech, or live in California. 

If it wasn’t for my 2nd boss in the US, Matt Singer, I probably wouldn't have gotten my US citizenship and met my wife. 

These 3 relationships completely changed my life.

Your relationships can be your secret for success and happiness. ❤️

Yet, relationships as a topic of focus often being overlooked.

So.. why do people overlook relationships?

1. People often don’t understand the importance and potential impact of relationships on their lives and careers. So they focus on other ‘’urgent’’ tasks.

2. People take their relationships for granted and don’t realize relationships require effort.

3. People think they mastered their relationships and there is nothing else they need to do.

4. People don’t know how to prioritize their relationships and make it better.

5. Culture differences. In the US culture, relationships are in general more task based, when the task is ‘over’, the relationship can be over. There is a greater focus on individualism (you can read more on this point in the Culture Map book that I referenced below)   

Ok.. so what now?

Here is my framework to start improving your relationship and unlock success and happiness:

1. Identify up to 5 objectives in life that matter to you the most. It can be work or not work related. For example: be a better manager, get promoted, be a better husband etc.. 

2. Identify key people in your life who can help you achieve the 5 objectives you identified above.  For example: your direct manager, a specific colleague, your wife.

3. Get to really know them. At this point, you should really spend the time understanding how they prefer to communicate, how they feel appreciated, do you understand their culture and values, what is their love language, do you know what makes them happy or upset? Do you know anything about their personal lives? Spend the time, get to know them.  

4. Work on your relationship. After you spend the time on getting to know them, figure out what is the cadence of the relationship, how are you going to communicate, how often. (For example, monthly lunches with your boss, weekly flowers to your wife, bi-weekly phone calls, etc..) 

5. Re-evaluate your #1 & #2 every 3-6 months.

How to get better at relationships?

Keep educating yourself. There are great resources out there. Relationships are about people, the more you understand people, the better you are going to get in relationships. 

Below are 4 resources that I love, that can get you started.

1. The 5 Love Languages. This one is all about people and relationships. People express and receive appreciation in different ways. If you know the specific way (or ways) in which someone expresses appreciation, and how they want to receive appreciation, you’ll be more aligned and that will lead to more successful relationships. Here is a link to a post I wrote a while ago about how you can apply this concept at work. 

2. The Culture Map Book by Erin Meyer. This book really helps you understand the cultural difference in human interaction. Navigate through cultural differences and decode other cultures.  

3. How to win friends and influence people. This book has great tips about how to manage your relationships.  

4. Never eat alone. This book is all about how your network is important and how to grow your network. 

I hope you’ll find it useful! ✨

P.s. I’d love to hear about the amazing relationships stories that changed your life…